Monday, May 13, 2013

Ugh, Mother's Day

Yesterday marked marked my second Mother's Day with living children.

Last year, on my first Mother's Day, I expected for it to be a joyful day.  A day that would be filled with happiness instead of pain, since I now had living children, right?  Instead, last year on Mother's Day I spent most of day either upset or indifferent.  I chalked it up to being elbow deep in NICU worries, and apprehension about the future.  I expected this year to be different.

Yesterday, on my first Mother's Day home actually caring for my children, I again spent most the day upset or indifferent.  

Lack of sleep?  nope.  
Fussy children?  nope.
Angry with my own mom?  nope.

The truth is that Mother's Day is still painful for me.  Even though my own infertility is "resolved," I didn't instantly forget the pain that was usually associated with the second Sunday in May.  I was mourning for friends of mine who are still childless.  I was mourning for C.  I was hurting for those of you that are still hurting.  

I hate this disease.  I hate the infertility takes something that is so incredibly attainable for many and makes it completely unattainable.  I hate the stress, the heartache, the loss, and the grief that comes with infertility.

Mother's Day shouldn't just celebrate the woman who through adoption, surrogacy or birth have children.  It should celebrate those who give of themselves to others.  Who are mothers to their students, their nieces or nephews, their spouses, their parents, their clients or their unborn children.  We should celebrate all giving and loving women, whether they have someone that calls them mom or not.

Next year I plan on celebrating all of the great women in my life. My mom, my grandma, my friends who are moms, my friends who mothered me out of a brown bottle flu, our babysitter, the women who are "aunts" to my children, and the women who are still waiting for their children.  We all deserved to be celebrated.

Wednesday, April 17, 2013

*Check, this thing still on?*

*Mic check, mic anyone still out there?*

Hey there friends.

It's been a long while.  A long, long while.

If you haven't followed me over here, let me catch you up.  Life has been busy raising three kids.  I'm eternally grateful for the sleepless nights, the overflowing laundry and the sink full of dishes.  The babies have just become mobile and are getting into everything.

But I've also spent a lot of time about how things started.  How lucky we are to be here.  How there are women who I started with that are still trying.  I'm broken for you.

I've been wanting to come back to this space for a while.  While there are people that I know IRL that follow this blog, it isn't nearly as many as that follow the triplets' blog.  And, well, I still need you IF ladies.  Even though my kids are now 13 months old, the pain of infertility is never far away.

What spurred my decision to dust off the cobwebs from A peek into our Journey came from a text message today.  It simply read "No heartbeat...."

This isn't my baby, obviously, but it was a baby that was already near to my heart.  I already loved this baby.  And my heart is absolutely breaking for the woman, my friend, who had to hear this today.  My stomach dropped to the same place it did when I heard the words "I'm sorry...I don't see any cardiac activity...."  It isn't fair.  It sucks.  I hate that we will now have this in common.  I hate that she will come home to an empty house tomorrow, knowing that a baby will not be coming home with her in November.

It's easy to think that the pain of infertility and miscarriage will go away once you have your take home baby, but it doesn't.  It is easier to bear, absolutely, but it doesn't go away.  Not completely.

C, I'm sorry.  I wish there was something more I could do.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

For the latest updates on the triplets that I call mine, head on over to The Koobers.  We'll be happy to have you!